This is an experience my family had while I was in hospital recovering from emergency surgery. The story in it self is interesting, however it is the message contained within that has the potential to change our lives as we view decisions and life differently.
It is easy to ‘beat ourselves up’ over decisions we have made. Especially when the outcome seems less than desirable or not what we expected. However this is never productive in it’s own right and may well be unjustified.
The point we need to grasp here is that it is okay, in fact essential that we are at peace and relaxed about the decisions we make, the outcomes these decisions generate, and of course the situations we find ourselves in as a result. It really is okay, especially as we see things in the context of the bigger picture of life.
As I have just suggested, our circumstances and experiences are a result of the decisions we have made and are continuing to make.
So what are the driving forces behind these decisions? Of course they are many and varied. However we can largely group them into being driven by our past experiences, others expectations (religious, cultural etc) and our own expectations and intentions.
My wife and two adult daughters chose to take a different route this day. See all week now they waited in the same hospital waiting room, sat in the exact same chairs and walked the exact same route to the Intensive Care Unit where I lay clinging on to life. Somehow this provided a sense of certainty and regularity in their largely uncertain and irregular world. Past experience had proven this to be a safe option for them.
However today they chose to exit the waiting room by walking around the opposite side of a group of chairs totally exposing the rawness of their emotions and vulnerability in their situation.
It was now time when they would be allowed in to visit and spend the day sitting by my side. The routine was much the same each day so they knew what to expect. Staff were preparing to remove my breathing apparatus, yet again, in an attempt to have me breath unaided. Today though, it would not be reinstalled if I failed to breath.
Momentarily, the significance of all this escaped them as these three ladies exited the waiting room from a slightly different angle. They spotted a small gift shop, it was right there but previously unnoticed. Why was it noticed today? They stepped inside as a distraction from what they knew would await them once arriving at the ICU. Their natural instincts surfaced once again and a while later this mother and two daughters emerged having made their purchases.
The ICU, visiting time, their commitment and responsibility to me; all this and here they were shopping for trinkets. Guilt, anxiety, disappointment, and many other negative emotions could well have presented now as they arrived at my room a little later than they could have.
My tiny room was a buzz of activity as medical staff made preparations to remove the Life Support System and stimulate me to breath unaided. They planned to do all they possibly could for me. My wife phoned staff and asked permission to enter my room as was normal procedure. They were granted access and they came straight in.
For many years now Julie and I have lived by the philosophy of having ‘No Regrets’. How we developed that mantra is another story, suffice to say we find ourselves quoting that little, but ever so powerful phrase, very regularly.
They knew the rules by now, arrive at eleven and phone in for permission to enter, this would normally be granted. Today however they were late. Would this disrupt the normal routine in any way? They were now refocused on their circumstances and why they were standing at the door.
The phone was answered and they were ushered into the room. A tenseness filled the air, they were faced with reality and a sense of urgency filled the moment. Were they too late, what was the prognosis so far?
Immediately staff saw the potential of this new resource and solicited their help. Things were not looking so good from a medical perspective. All was being done to activate my natural lung function. In that critical moment my wife and daughters were encouraged to do, or say, whatever they thought might stimulate me to generate that unaided breath.
For the next hour they focused tirelessly on laughter, making stimulating one way conversation with me and maintaining a sense of positivity. Finally a faint breath was detected and medical staff were able to further stimulate and strengthen it. As they say, the rest is now history.
In hindsight we can all look back and say if only we did this or made that decision etc. It is easy to look back and see the positive outcome that could have been. But, what if, just what if the timing was different. What would have been the response to that call for permission to enter if they were on time?
Yes, eleven was the official time for visitor access however this day was very different.
This procedure was going to be tricky and a positive outcome was by no means guaranteed. Later discussions with staff confirmed that family would not have been allowed in at eleven on that particular day as so much was already happening and they did not need any distractions.
Julie and I have discussed this and consider that the timing in that critical situation was probably spot on. By calling when they did a staff member without time to evaluate the options saw an immediate benefit in their being allowed in to assist with the stimulation process.
That morning these three beautiful, loving family members were distracted and ended up purchasing three wooden ducks.
We ask, is it just possible, that those three ducks actually saved my life?
Of course the real answer we will never know, however it is my belief that may be so.
Can we fully embrace this concept?
Can we be at peace with the idea that, ‘I am in the right place at the right time’ in every situation?
Are we willing to live in that space where we allow those times of inspiration and leading (intuition) to take root and control our destiny? That space which allows us to be distracted enough to go buy Three Wooden Ducks with ‘no regrets’.
